I know you have heard this before....so forgive me in advance, but you HAVE to take care of yourself! I had to put Mom in a memory care unit and she has done so much better than I thought. It was harder on me than on her. She has settled in nicely and seems to enjoy being able to sit and watch the other people. There are only 16 residents there and the staff are able to take time and talk with them, they do their nails, play beach ball with them, do whatever kind of crafts and games that the residents are capable of doing. They try to keep them involved in what's going on around them. I was to a point of wearing down quickly, I was losing my patience with Mom, getting frustrated quickly. I wasn't getting any sleep at night and little to no rest during the day. I knew that I was going to make myself sick and then there would be no one to care for Mom. I didn't want to have to place her some where in an emergency situation....I was able to take my time and find the best place for her. I go see her every other day and I think we both enjoy the visits. I still feel guilty some of the time and maybe always will? but in my mind I know I made the right decision and hope that one day my heart will agree! Prayers go up to all of you that are battling with having to make a decision!

The facility where I am placing Mom is a memory care facility. It only has 16 patients and they are all people with some form of dementia. They play soft, soothing music all day....everything is open, except of course, their rooms. It was so not like a nursing home. It was quiet and not a lot of confusion around them. I think that she will do well there after she gets settled in....if not, I'll bring her back home.

Same here Deb. Except that my hubby is still very much aware. But my health status is just like yours. That's why I asked the question. I guess almost everyone here has to face this step and it would be good to share some thoughts.

Update:
The @Paxil was increased with not much change in my husband other than he twitches or jerky type of movements I have noticed at night.
He just had his knee replacement surgery and everything went fine up until he ate his first meal. He became very verbally aggressive toward nurses and me. They had to call security and 2 very large orderlies to get him back in bed because he had a spinal for pain plus all the tubes.

They finally gave him some injection to calm him and today some other pill form drugs to find the right one to help with the aggression behavior. He has to have a sitter CNA in the room now.

Long story short , I'm not feeling safe for him to come home now. One for his knee surgery needs therapy and his behavior. Our Counselor who has seen my hubby act and how he talks mentioned he is going to get worse quickly and he makes no sense anymore. This is the right time to put him in a place because he might need to be chemically restraint and I need help myself.
"Am I doing the right thing?" Maybe it's just because of the surgery drugs?

Dear Rosemarie,
It really sounds like our problems are exactly the same. I have had hubby in a home for respite care for a week now. Had to do it because I just collapsed. This made me realize he's not as coherent as I thought.

I call him every day and not even once all week did we have a decent conversation. Makes me aware he only functions so well because we have strong routines at home and he's able to copy learned behaviors.

Funnily enough, he never asked me when I would come and pick him up. I'm rather relieved about this and the thought of a permanent placement has become less daunting.

I'm still not sure what to do best but this was the first week off I had in two years and it has done wonders to me.