My Mother Is Always Upset And Angry, What Can I Do? | myALZteam

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My Mother Is Always Upset And Angry, What Can I Do?
A myALZteam Member asked a question 💭

My mother is 82 and moderate/severe AD. Every day is a challenge, she doesn't sleep at night, doesn't want to eat, and always angry. She says that I am poisoning her with the food I cook. Even though we sit and eat it as well. She doesn't beleive anything I say, always yelling and getting violent. She has been very vulgar. She goes to the neighbors and tells them very cude things about me and my daughter. My daughter and I are trying our best to ignore the things that she says. Sometimes it is… read more

posted July 25, 2016
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A myALZteam Member

Sometimes you need to agree with them to pacify the situation. If you have another person there at mealtimes and they say you are poisoning them and refusing the food, the other person says "are they really? let me taste it," then they agree it doesn't taste good, "let me get you some fresh" they take it out of the room, come back in a few minutes later with the same dish and say "try that one I have prepared that myself so you know its safe" It usually works. Yes its damning for you and very hurtful but its a means to an end. Arguments and trying to convince them otherwise just doesn't work. When the sufferer is convinced you are out to hurt/poison them Nothing will convince them otherwise. Good luck. xx

posted July 30, 2016
A myALZteam Member

I had the same response from my mom, she bad mouthed everyone who helped her the most, people at the time believed her, now they understand, even accused us of stealing her money which she hid from us, so glad that passed, so sad she is so far advanced, strength to you, I understand what you going thru

posted September 24, 2016
A myALZteam Member

My 87 y.o. Mom has a psychiatric nurse practioner reviewing her meds, history & behavior moods. We are also reducing all meds since less is better for all seniors. Her Alz is severe so she is in a nursing home. Getting a place is very hard but thats another story. As a nurse I know this is very hard and extremely emotionally draining. Sometimes I cry all the way home. So far we are blessed Mom is pleasant. She cries with sundowing increasing. Sometimes salty snacks & juices help. A routine is a must, thank God for the activties. She spends all day keeping up with the schedule. There is no amount of reasoning she asks the same questions over & over. We just patiently answer or change the subject talking about something she used to enjoy doing well. Realize the families of angry, violent dementia patients need frequent breaks & support. Trialing different meds might help. Contact the local support groups for the mentally ill & council on aging. They can give you information on providers they get good reviews on.

posted August 25, 2016
A myALZteam Member

Try to just deal with one issue at a time. Seek medical help for her aggression. Work out different ways to get her to take the meds. ....usually with anything sweet works.
I know its annoying when they just laugh at what is so serious to us...Mum does that.
Learn all you can. I did a course at the University of tasmania called understanding Dementia. Its all online and its free and its soooo good. I learnt heaps from doing it. Now find that when lots of new things start to occur I already have knowledge about it and that really helps me to deal with it. hugs Kerry

posted August 11, 2016
A myALZteam Member

I am so sorry to hear what you are dealing with! I have heard many people say they have had life changing results with meds for aggressive behaviour. I think your situation sounds dire, and you need to get some help for her for your own sakes as well. I would ask her doctor or neurologist, from what I hear it takes some trial and error and takes time to find exactly what works for an individual. I really feel for you and your daughter, it can't be easy living like that on a daily basis. I hope you can find some relief.

posted July 29, 2016

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