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About myALZteam
Real members of myALZteam have posted questions and answers that support our community guidelines, and should not be taken as medical advice. Looking for the latest medically reviewed content by doctors and experts? Visit our resource section.

Feedback Please

Feedback Please

I really would like feedback on the pros and cons of having your loved one living in your home VERSUS assisted living/memory care facility.

posted over 6 years ago
A myALZteam Member said:

It's always a pro to be at home as long as it is working out. We had to give in and let my mam go into a nursing home. It was hard to put her care into other peoples hands at first but fairly soon into it we relaxed and were pleased to go back to being her children when we saw that her needs were being met better than we could provide which is what she really needed. A suitable environment where she could relax and not have to fit into a world she just didn't understand anymore . Keep them home as long as you can - for them - and be prepared to let them go when they need more care - for them

posted almost 6 years ago
A myALZteam Member said:

I truly believe that they live longer and it takes longer for the disease to progress if they remain at home. However, it is quite a burden that not all are able to partake in. As the disease progresses, more and more care has to be provided until you reach a full 24/7. Since 2009, I have had to remove car keys, wall off the kitchen to prevent fires from an unattended stove, remove all cleansers and sharp objects from their living area, put up a fence with a lock to prevent wandering about the neighborhood, install cameras to monitor what they are doing in the living and dining rooms and outside, and door alarms for the front door. My time spent with them has gone from running errands and preparing meals to daily care and my son and his wife live in their basement so they are never alone at night or when I'm not there. So someone needs to be living with them eventually 24/7. Not everyone can do that...my job is now taking care of them so I don't work outside their home. You do what you can to make them comfortable and safe, but they include putting them in assisted living or a memory care facility. Do not beat yourself up is you are unable to do what I have done...do the best you can for them. That is all they would expect if they could communicate that.

edited, originally posted over 6 years ago
A myALZteam Member said:

Now this just confuses me and makes me feel guilty. I love my mom with all my heart, and I don't really think it's a bad thing for senior living. My mom has been seeing a cognitive therapist. One of the important factors is socialization. That is one of the big advantages of senior living. I wouldn't be able to take care of her full time and give her what she needs for quality of life. I was told, if you wait until someone needs to go into care it's too late. And that if you do it early, there is more success, and they can consciously make the decision instead of being forced into it. The one thing is, you don't get better from Alzheimers....This whole thing is just awful.

posted almost 3 years ago
A myALZteam Member said:

My mother in law moved in with us 2 1/2 years ago without preparation when her husband left her with us without notice. She was somewhat independent at the time and she had not been taking care of herself. Her dementia was mild at that time. It took 6-8 months for us to realize we were now her full time caretakers. It wasn't easy in the beginning as we adapted and learned. Once we, as a family, made a conscious decision to keep her in our home and not place her in a nursing home as per her husband, things shifted in a positive way. I took on the roll of full time care taker as her dementia and health declined. I changed my thinking from, "This is too hard and no one asked us to do this" to, "How blessed am I that get to help someone who has helped so many in her life" by providing security, safety, dignity, respect, laughs and love? The shift in my attitude changed everything. It's still challenging as I learn an adapt to constant changes and decline, but it is extremely rewarding, as well. I know it's not for everyone as relationships are messy and painful history can most certainly be an indicator that too much damage has been caused for someone to be the main caretaker. Being a counselor has helped me utilize tools I've taught and my problem solving skills have helped me be on the offense of learning. Not sure if this helpful, I just know attitude was and is important in my decision and changed everything. We are working hard to keep her in our home until end of life. Hugs and support, sweety 💞

posted almost 2 years ago
A myALZteam Member said:

My husband is in the moderate stage of Alzheimer's and would not be able to live alone. He has also had a stroke and now has occasional seizures. We have no children and no family nearby. If anything happened to me, there is no one to take care of him and make sure he took his seizure meds. So, we moved into assisted living together last year. It was difficult for him to get used to the smaller space (660 sq. feet), the schedule, meals in the dining room, etc., but he has adapted rather well. He is struggling a bit again now because we are quarantined with the corona virus. The staff here, however, is wonderful and I have watched them work so hard to help acclimate new residents - they give them a lot of extra attention until the resident is more comfortable. I have a good perspective because I am still completely independent and can keep a "watchful eye" on what goes on here.

I feel so much for your situation. Although I am with my husband currently, there will come a time when he will need to move to the memory care unit, likely without me. By that time, staff will know him well and I have great confidence that they will take the best care of him. So, my suggestion would be for him to move sooner rather than later. Let him get used to the environment while he still has some understanding of what is going on and let the staff get to know him. Frequent visits from you will also help at the beginning. Also look for a place where he can transition from assisted living to memory care without having to change facilities. The first move will be hard, but the second would not be nearly as bad because he would know the staff who would be there to support him. God bless you for your service to your dad!

posted over 2 years ago
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