You may need to talk to the doctor. If she holds it in too often, the colon starts to stretch and then the BM gets large and painful to pass. In children with disabilities, we often put them on Malox - get things softened and it becomes very hard for them to hold it in. We keep them on it for 6 months to give the colon time to shrink to normal size. If she is just smearing a little in her underwear or there is a little that seam watery leaking out, she is probably constipated and will need a good cleaning out to get back on track.

Yes. My wife has for the last two years only cleared her bowel in response to a dose of laxative. It took us a while to find the right one. We now use sodium picosulphate with a good success rate.

My mother thought she had to stand to poo. We explained she could stand for a minute but needed to sit down when ready to poo. It does take her time in the bathroom but she has not forgotten how to move her stool.

Mom was terrified of being sucked down the toilet. Chair and bucket was better for her, not so much for me. But whatever works for us. Blessings to you!