You need to visit some of those of those places and I think you might change your mind.

@A myALZteam Member I am so glad your mum is settling in, and you feel good about her new home. I noticed how well my mum looked too after just a couple of weeks of eating properly, clean clothes and freshly shampooed hair. She seemed to feel secure there, which is all I could have hoped for. It still takes a lot of work to visit and be there for them emotionally because no matter how well they are being taken care of they need to feel loved and that is what we can do for them. You have been through a lot in the past few weeks, I hope you will take some time to yourself to regain yourself. Sending hugs!

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A myALZte...

@A myALZteam Member. Thank you for your kind words.

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A myALZte...

Two weeks ago, on her discharge from a month long general hospital admission, I moved my 75 year old Mum straight into care rather than returning her to the home she has lived in since she was 18 years old. It was such a hard thing to do and to be honest the first week was so mentally and emotionally hard (on us both).
She had been pleasantly confused for many years, but was getting increasingly paranoid, agitated and depressed. Then for the past year she started spending all day "looking" for things and repeatedly feeding her animals. She had a friend who managed ALL of her financial affairs, gave her meds 2x daily (she couldn't understand blister pack meds), done Mums grocery shopping etc. In hindsight this was not a wise idea but Mum had very little funds and she was happy with this arrangement.
The turning point came after she somehow sustained a fractured vertebrae and could barely walk. She was no longer bathing regularly, was struggling to do laundry etc and had already had a small kitchen fire after cooking with tin-foil in the microwave and I just decided that this time I just had to do what I knew was right for her.
But I still felt so very guilty as for a week she kept crying asking when she could go home, saying she'd rather die than live in care. But we are now 16 days in and and today she queried as to where all her other clothes were, asking "Did you check in my wardrobe at that other house?"
Her life is now spent living in a 20 bedroom home with others ranging from 48yrs to 92yrs. She is looking great (clean), healthy (due to the great food). She still "looks" for things, but the tv and radio in her room are turned on for her rather than her getting frustrated at not being able to do this herself. She was allowed to take her cat as the facilities resident one had passed away.
I do think it is very important to check out as many places as you can before a placement is made as I initially thought Id move Mum into this fancy facility with activities galore but when I visited there it was so sterile and clinical, not to mention huge. Mum is a smoker and the staff dispense smokes (two after each meal) and direct clients to a sheltered area and they can also have an alcoholic drink with dinner (if they want and the family permits). There are scheduled activities in-house and in the community.

Happy Birthday Joy!